my mouth tastes like poor choices
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my shit smells like andre
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize