You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
