I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
