I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize