Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
