End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
