i can't believe i had my finger in that
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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