His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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