Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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