I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who died my cat blue again?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
