we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
