i just sent this text using only my big toe
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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