May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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