i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
