I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
