So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
