I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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