I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
