he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
