i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
