Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
