did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need help removing her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
pray to the hookup gods
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
