I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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