So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're like the curious george of whores
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
