Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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