I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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