operation have a gay friend backfired
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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