Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am one with the molecules
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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