i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
