I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
