it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
