I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
what day is it and did you see me today?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
