at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love you.
Bad choice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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