What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
