I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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