someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
