OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
