I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
