I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
