soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
