you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
