i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
