tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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