I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
