Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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