everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
