Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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