i would punch a child for taco bell
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
