somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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