Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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