We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
