Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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