Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
