I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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