Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
