apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize