apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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