i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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