i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
