Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
