He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
