Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want to make out with him forever
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
