I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
