Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
