Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
