what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
