i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize