So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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