Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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