I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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