I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
