i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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