Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
