I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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