i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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