I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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