Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
