I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
