Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
