I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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