Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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