omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
