my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize