if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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