Dual....:-)
actually, I'm a sock model
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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