He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
