Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize