just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
