Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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