So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
