I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
