we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
