Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

alright she left, finally time to fart up the room

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(872): View more from Illinois

mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning

Fav 11 1729 5045
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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(937): View more from Ohio

Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.

Fav 8 3079 1181
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(419): View more from Ohio

On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire

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(914): View more from New York

I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out

Fav 11 1566 2695
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(208): View more from Idaho

This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.

Fav 0 230 150
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(609): View more from New Jersey

My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.

Fav 0 19 34
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