Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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