ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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