just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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