Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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