Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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