well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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