i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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