woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
