Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
