I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
