At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
