hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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